Irony of facebook and friends part I

So, the whole world is ruled by facebook. Yes? Okay moving on...




I find it incredibly amusing/ironic/somehow ..annoying.. that Facebook likes to "suggest" friends to me, as ifI'm some fucking incapable 4 yr old at a pre-school playdate. And I suppose the amusing/ironic/somehow..annoying..part is that they're people who hated me in high school OR people who unfriended me recently (or a few months ago.) As if by some miraculous gift of the inter-web gods, they'll be like "Hey..HER...yeah..let's be buddies."
Like I'm not sure which is more icing on the cake, suggesting I "friend" people who didn't like me/I had nothing in common with OR "friend" someone who removed me....

In the whole scheme of life, Facebook means shit. But for all intents and purposes of this post - let's ponder this all for a minute. Friending someone who ..doesn't want to be your friend. We kind of throw the term friend around loosely. Maybe we should make an "acquaintance" button. I won't be your friend but I'll talk to you on a social networking website.

Maybe I should be a ball-buster and just hit "request friend" to all of them and see what happens.
I'd love it if someone had the go-nads to actually say "I unfriended you for a reason. I don't like you," instead of being fucking pussies* and ignoring the "elephant on the table" as they call it.


I had a really deep and meaningful post about friendship, but I'm finding this is hard to type at almost 12:00am. So, I'll call this post Friends part I.

tbc...




*also known as vaginas, wet-tampons, used kleenex, pansies, and cry-babies

i'm my own one-woman comedy show.

"and how much are they"

me: "Eighteen"

"dollars?"

..

.....

No, Pesos.

....

i don't get it. how can someone live in america, be american, and not know our currency. 

Auditions, Film & television shoots, and sleep deprivation

I wish I had a wittier title for this blog

.

The gist of it is this: WHY THE HELL ARE AUDITIONS, FILM AND TELEVISION SHOOTS AND ANY OTHER VIDEO-MEDIA RELATED INDUSTRY SO ...EARLY?

Do you know what it's like seeing this:

at auditions?

Musical theatre auditions (broadway, tours etc) are SO EARLY and get progressively earlier everytime. Actually let me rephrase that, the auditions are sort of early but to if you're non-equity (no-union) you have to get there at 4-5 am to WRITE YOUR NAME DOWN on a piece of non-official paper (the official audition list won't get there till about 30 min before it starts) to only WAIT AROUND for about 4-7 hours till you get seen.

THIS DOES NO PRODUCE GOOD VOCALISTS, DANCERS ETC.

I don't want to hear the shit "those who want it bad enough, go get it early." No. If you're a singer you know that your voice not only needs to warm up, be rested, but your body also needs rest. Waiting 7+ hours to sing 8 bars..which is like 6 seconds...of a song does not showcase shit. I had a talk recently with a woman, who was union, who said that lots of casting agencies are starting to crack down and not accept the unofficial list people make when they get there super duper early.

Also, there has to be some sort of regulation as to how many people can sign up etc. Again, waiting 7+ hrs, stewing in your own disgusting post-wake-up morning grog is no way to get good results.

Same goes for shoots. I know the long hours needed to actually MAKE film/tv/etc and understand that due to make-up or costume blah blah blah..people have 4-5-6 am calls. But then your director expects you to be fresh faced and ready? Call me stupid, but I wouldn't put someone behind a wheel who has pulled an all-nighters. 

But hey they did it with Lord of the Rings and that didn't suck..so..maybe it's just something I miss.

Maybe I need to work-out more and pop vitamins to give me that all-natural energy boost I apparently lack.

Telephone video, why people need the shut the fuck up and & why Michel Gondry is the biggest douche bag EVER

I'd like to start this blog off by saying this:

MICHEL GONDRY IS THE BIGGEST DOUCHE BAG EVER.

Why?

Because his shitty movie called "Eternal Sunshine of the pretentious Spotless Mind" is possibly ..no definitely.. the BIGGEST PIECE OF PRETENTIOUS POMPOUS SELF-INDULGED POINTLESS FILM EVER MADE. I was so bored with it I fell asleep on 5 different occasions before finally seeing it's anti-climatic ending.

He ran his mouth in an interview about Gaga and her video recently, "To me,i t's like a form of Marylin Manson. It's hard for me to talk about it; (i am going to interject for a moment and say hard for you to talk about it?" oh shut up you wet fucking tampon...) I've seen a couple of videos of hers, and not for very long. i stop watching them each time because I don't think there's melodies... The music to me is very expected (JUST LIKE THE PRETENTIOUS TREE-HUGGING TOFU LOVING ART-STUDENT MOVIE YOU MADE, MICHEL). I don't think there's anything in the tone or the melody that makes me say, 'Oh, there's something going on."

Before my hand reaches out across the planet to bitch-slap him- I'm going to say this. Music and Music Videos, like any form of art, are subjective to the viewer. What one person likes, another one will not. I get it. I hate the Beatles and indie-rock, and boring movies, like Eternal Sunshine, that are so wrapped up in pseudo-art student 'i like to listen to myself talk while drinking no foam soy lattes at Starbucks and writing my "original" screenplay' bullshit that I'd rather watch the Duggars express their love of child bearing and Jesus, than watch or listen to any of that.

HOWEVER.

What I don't like is people who believe their opinion is the ONLY opinion. And because they've directed videos for ARTIST'S WHOSE MUSIC THEY LIKE- any and all other forms of music are null and void.

I get into a lot of heated discussions at my job about music, specifically with my manager. She's a die-hard classic rock/beatles/billy joel fan who hates any music that's been made after 1995, specifically pop and dance music. At that point you're cut off from musical opinion.

People with that bias can no longer function in this day's society. I'm not saying my grandmother who doesn't quite get music now. I'm saying people who are of sound mind and old enough to at least try to evolve and can't. If you don't like dance or electronica music, that's fine. But to completely blow off one artist/its' entire genre is faus-pax on your part, ESPECIALLY when you're someone who "creates" yourself.

I like dance music; excuse me...good dance music. Lady Gaga is good. I think her beats are amazing and she's trying to at least give people a little something different.The ONLY similarity I could find anywhere was that Alejandro sounds a bit like an Ace of Base song (which to me is a good thing.)

And BY THE WAY, even if her sound sometimes sounds like another artist, 99% of all musicians do that. They always borrow a little from each other. Beatles took a rock sound from Elvis. Try to tell their over-zealous fans that their music isn't original. They'd kill you.

So douche bag aside,

This blog was actually supposed to be about the video for Telephone, which apparently has the world going to WWIII over.

I personally love it. Kill Bill reference, lesbians, leather, women's prision, killing me, Thelma and Louise, Honeybuns (which are awesome), Lady GaGa's poon, and oh..MORE LESBIAN THEMES.

FINALLY.

Though Bad Romance probably is my fave music video of all time, Telephone is a close second.

Some people are so blow away by it that they're calling it the new and better Thriller, citing that GaGa is beyond Madonna and Michael Jackson.

Comparing Gaga to MJ is like comparing Elton John to Hendrix. They're both good but different in my eyes.

I do think Telephone is up there with those videos.

And people are freaking the fuck out about it. Conservatives can't even wrap their tiny little heads around it. "WOMEN? PRISON? MURDER? IT'S THE MARK OF THE DEVIL"

Yeah and apparently she's bringing lil' ol Beyonce down with her.

Let's not even get into Fox News, who wants it banned and once again calls on Jesus- who was dead 2000 years before the music video- to judge and say what is good and what isn't.

(note: any news station that declares a natural disaster as payback for a fictional pact with the devil is no longer a VALID news station. the next thing you'll hear is gnomes of Judah told them dinosaurs were actually over grown Golden Retrievers.)

In conclusion, if there is ever or will ever be one to what I have to say, I love this video, bad directors should shut up, and conservatives have no right to listen to music. Yup, you're banned from music forever.

If you don't like Telephone, DON'T WATCH IT.

~fin~

You couldn't write better material than this

THIS IS MY LIFE, I shit you NOT

In an attempt to resurrect this blog I'm going to leave everyone with the following:

I work retail, therefore I hate everyone (especially tourists from other countries and dancers).

While at said go-nowhere job I...I can't even describe this properly. I'm going to give everyone the verbadum blow by blow.

Me *answering the phone* :"How may I help you"

Customer on phone: "Hi, I'd like some boy's tap shoes in size 8 1/2"

Me: "Are these for a little boy or an older boy?"

Customer: "There's no age"

Me: "Okay but there's a big difference from a 3 yr old's 81/2 and a 13 yr old's 81/2"

Customer*obviously pissed off at me*: "It's for a PUPPET!"

.......

Apparently I fit puppets in shoes now. Thus is my suck-tastic life.

Ponocchio wears taps shoes. Who knew.